In search of my “self”…………

“Who am I?” This is the question which has been bothering mankind since she (I use “she” here not with an intention to mark myself as a feminist. However, since there is no proof to show that the first form of human life was a male, I take the liberty of assuming that it was indeed female) first acknowledged her being in this universe, as a living organism, who though different in build, form and looks was no different from the other forms of life that populated the earth.

But since I am not here to decode Darwin’s theory of evolution, I would straightaway like to discuss what I am here for. Ahh…if that only could be simple enough. The question bothering me at this point in time is in no manner a straightforward or a simple one. I am putting the interrogatory mark on my “self”. But then again, what is the self that I talk about? Is it me….”Garima” as my parents named me. Or is it me “a Chartered Accountant” by profession? Or biologically is it me “a female human being”? Well, I know I am all of these, but are these or several other descriptions which may be thought of by a rational mind sufficient to describe my “self”?

I don’t think so. So, here I am, in a quest to answer the question which my soul is asking me. Its thirst cannot be quenched by the superficial that the world has bestowed on me, neither by any teachings, preaching’s, or lessons, nor by writing it out in words like these on this space. I am not a philosopher, not a poet. My instincts don’t depend on the work that I do, on the accounts that I audit. My satisfaction is not derived from the amount of salary I earn. My desires are not fulfilled by knowing that I am secure (financially and emotionally) and gifted with pleasantries of life. Then what is it that drives me? What is the force that upsurges at the slightest mention of being able to call myself fulfilled? I cannot decode it. Not yet. Not now. But one thing that I have understood is that I am somewhere in touch with my soul, my “self”. And this revelation tells me that I am still far from being what I “am”.

It’s true. I am somebody who I don’t know. And from now on a new search begins within me. A search to find out “who I am”? A search which I hope will never end but will keep on unfolding various parts of my soul to me. I Believe this would help me to lead a “contented” life. (I don’t say “happy”, because I am happy even now and I read that “happiness” is relative. One can never be completely happy, as happiness results from all desires being fulfilled. And mankind, as we know, can never have a list of desires that have all been fulfilled).

Begaani shaadi me...

This was a real adventure, when me and my friend ventured into an uninvited wedding function. Yes...we really did that!! We were in Calcutta, alone in the Hotel in the evening, nowhere else to go. So, we decided to roam around in the hotel lobby itself. After asking our future from a parrot owning astrologer (Don't Laugh!!!), we decided to visit the function which was going on in one of the halls.
So we were there, complementing the girls for their looks and actually clicking them from our mobile phones. How could they suspect us?? After all we were from the groom's side. This identity we gave ourselves when we came to know that the girl we were talking to was Archana's (The Bride) friend.
We even clicked the couple from the front row seats that we occupied so casually. Oh really!! We were having the time of our lives. We had amazing ice-cream sundae to satiate our taste buds, and were roaming around in the hall as if we were the ones closest to the family.
The best part of the adventure was, when the bride's mother actually waved her hand at us, smiled and said 'Hi'. Now seriously,...this wasn't made up. She literally did that. We were surely taken aback. She must've taken us to be one of some distant relative.
After this we decided better not to take any chances and quietly escaped to our rooms. So much for "Abdullah" going "Deewana" in a "Begaani Shaadi".

I am a first timer...

Yes..This is the very first time that I am trying to post something on the blogger..
Just came to know of it...and found it sort of interesting (especially when one has been sitting idle in the office for past three weeks!!! Sounds great na...Yes even people in Price waterhouse can be free sometimes for long stretches).
Anyway, this is a good thing...U can talk to urself, express ur feelings, and relieve ur mind of unnecessary thoughts. There was once a phase in my life wen I used to write diary..not daily, but yes quite often. That helped me a lot...to understand my own feelings, worries and doubts, even my strengths and plus points. But then u always run a risk of someone accidentally (intentionally or otherwise) reading ur personal thoughts. This one is different. For u write not just for urself..but for others to know ur mind better. So, strictly...no personal talks on the blogger!!!
I m just gonna restrict myself to expressing my thoughts......and my frustration wen I'm bored to the extreme, just like I am now...!!
Really...Its like a vicious circle, u overstress urself wid work and thn u need some free time to de-stress...and then again wen u get bugged up sitting idle u want to return back to working....:(
Anyway..I am very sincerely and positively looking forward to the one week leave that I m availing..Don't ask me what will I do...Its really not necessary to "Do Something" wen u r on leave.......Maybe that I'll just sit idle at home and get bored and then again want to come back to the office for sitting idle....!!!