In search of my “self”…………

“Who am I?” This is the question which has been bothering mankind since she (I use “she” here not with an intention to mark myself as a feminist. However, since there is no proof to show that the first form of human life was a male, I take the liberty of assuming that it was indeed female) first acknowledged her being in this universe, as a living organism, who though different in build, form and looks was no different from the other forms of life that populated the earth.

But since I am not here to decode Darwin’s theory of evolution, I would straightaway like to discuss what I am here for. Ahh…if that only could be simple enough. The question bothering me at this point in time is in no manner a straightforward or a simple one. I am putting the interrogatory mark on my “self”. But then again, what is the self that I talk about? Is it me….”Garima” as my parents named me. Or is it me “a Chartered Accountant” by profession? Or biologically is it me “a female human being”? Well, I know I am all of these, but are these or several other descriptions which may be thought of by a rational mind sufficient to describe my “self”?

I don’t think so. So, here I am, in a quest to answer the question which my soul is asking me. Its thirst cannot be quenched by the superficial that the world has bestowed on me, neither by any teachings, preaching’s, or lessons, nor by writing it out in words like these on this space. I am not a philosopher, not a poet. My instincts don’t depend on the work that I do, on the accounts that I audit. My satisfaction is not derived from the amount of salary I earn. My desires are not fulfilled by knowing that I am secure (financially and emotionally) and gifted with pleasantries of life. Then what is it that drives me? What is the force that upsurges at the slightest mention of being able to call myself fulfilled? I cannot decode it. Not yet. Not now. But one thing that I have understood is that I am somewhere in touch with my soul, my “self”. And this revelation tells me that I am still far from being what I “am”.

It’s true. I am somebody who I don’t know. And from now on a new search begins within me. A search to find out “who I am”? A search which I hope will never end but will keep on unfolding various parts of my soul to me. I Believe this would help me to lead a “contented” life. (I don’t say “happy”, because I am happy even now and I read that “happiness” is relative. One can never be completely happy, as happiness results from all desires being fulfilled. And mankind, as we know, can never have a list of desires that have all been fulfilled).